You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
