So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
