Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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