Having a random hookup so left but love u
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
