Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
