Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
