Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I cut my penus on the lid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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