Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
