Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
