i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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