Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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