will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
