btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
