Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
