Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
