I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
