My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
