just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You don't make any sense
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