foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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