Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just saw a hot homeless man
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
