I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
