And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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