I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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