whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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