I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
