I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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