from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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