Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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