if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
