brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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