I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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