Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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