I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
