Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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