she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
