Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
