O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
