May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
