butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
