she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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