I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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