she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
