Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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