I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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