I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
