I am in a vortex of obligation.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
