bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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