Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
