we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
