my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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