let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
